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Thread: Let's Review

  1. #46

    Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by ManAboutTown View Post
    “Real love” also comes with the obligation to have tough conversations and shine light in dark places. There is a sect of our fanbase (and Administration) who are often times too quick to sweep things under the rug and sunshine pump. We will never achieve up to our potential with that attitude.

    Yes, we’ve certainly improved in many ways over the last 2 decades. And yes, we fall woefully short of an acceptable standard in many ways. Both things can be true. I have no problem with people acknowledging our triumphs, as long as it doesn’t come at the expense of addressing our weaknesses.
    Yes, we need to give feedback about problems...

    ...but how much negative feedback at one time?

    I was at a United Way talk years ago, and they were describing the differences in social classes. On raising children, they noted that the poorer class tends to give their kids mostly criticism. Middle class, somewhat balanced. The upper class -- educationally and/or financially -- gave their kids a lot more encouragement than criticism.*

    So: Which one builds a kid's self-esteem? Which one motivates them to keep trying, and to work harder?

    And for me, here's the gut-punch: At what age does that stop being true? Good managers, and good coaches, say it's always true. Heck, I'm 66, and I still need more encouragement than criticism. If not, I'm probably getting out of Dodge.

    To that, I want to relate a story I heard from the golf program years ago. We had a foreign student from one of the advanced countries, a very good golfer. After a bad day on the course, he went to the UL coach in tears. The coach was surprised, and tried to talk the young man back up. The athlete then explained that, back in his home country, when he had a bad day his coach chewed him out, even cursed him. And he was shocked, but grateful, that the UL coach was being so supportive of him.

    But I think most of us would have done exactly the same thing as our coach did. First, we would do it because because it's just the right thing to do. When someone's trying their best, you support them. But second, we would do it because we know that people don't perform well under pressure, particularly not in a game like golf, which requires so much intense, but relaxed, concentration.

    Again, it's true for every human being, from the waterboy to the President. So I would encourage people here to:
    a) make sure we are saying a lot more good things than bad;
    and for the bad:
    b) stick to a few things;
    c) pick things that can be fixed;
    d) pick things that the coaches or administrators may not already see;
    e) make sure that the criticism is constructive, that it comes with a solution.

    And never, ever, criticize the players.

    Just my 2¢.

    *NB: they didn't discuss this, but in my limited experience, there is also a 'privileged' class. These people basically don't give their kids any negative feedback, and enforce no accountability. Think, oh, Dudley Dursely. So giving kids toys doesn't ruin them; failing to correct them does. It's the opposite of only criticizing them, although either approach still produces a ruined human being.

  2. Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by CajunFun View Post
    Yes, we need to give feedback about problems...

    ...but how much negative feedback at one time?

    I was at a United Way talk years ago, and they were describing the differences in social classes. On raising children, they noted that the poorer class tends to give their kids mostly criticism. Middle class, somewhat balanced. The upper class -- educationally and/or financially -- gave their kids a lot more encouragement than criticism.*

    So: Which one builds a kid's self-esteem? Which one motivates them to keep trying, and to work harder?

    And for me, here's the gut-punch: At what age does that stop being true? Good managers, and good coaches, say it's always true. Heck, I'm 66, and I still need more encouragement than criticism. If not, I'm probably getting out of Dodge.

    To that, I want to relate a story I heard from the golf program years ago. We had a foreign student from one of the advanced countries, a very good golfer. After a bad day on the course, he went to the UL coach in tears. The coach was surprised, and tried to talk the young man back up. The athlete then explained that, back in his home country, when he had a bad day his coach chewed him out, even cursed him. And he was shocked, but grateful, that the UL coach was being so supportive of him.

    But I think most of us would have done exactly the same thing as our coach did. First, we would do it because because it's just the right thing to do. When someone's trying their best, you support them. But second, we would do it because we know that people don't perform well under pressure, particularly not in a game like golf, which requires so much intense, but relaxed, concentration.

    Again, it's true for every human being, from the waterboy to the President. So I would encourage people here to:
    a) make sure we are saying a lot more good things than bad;
    and for the bad:
    b) stick to a few things;
    c) pick things that can be fixed;
    d) pick things that the coaches or administrators may not already see;
    e) make sure that the criticism is constructive, that it comes with a solution.

    And never, ever, criticize the players.

    Just my 2¢.

    *NB: they didn't discuss this, but in my limited experience, there is also a 'privileged' class. These people basically don't give their kids any negative feedback, and enforce no accountability. Think, oh, Dudley Dursely. So giving kids toys doesn't ruin them; failing to correct them does. It's the opposite of only criticizing them, although either approach still produces a ruined human being.
    I appreciate this response and welcome the conversation. I’ve actually had a similar conversation about classes and the approach to parenting with a Play Therapist. The truth is, it comes down to the personality of the person you’re parenting, coaching and/or caring for. Case in point: My Daughter responds to a challenge/critique and my Son responds to positive reinforcement.

    You said something very interesting in the golfer anecdote. “When people are trying their best…”

    Can you honestly say that the administration, both academically and athletically, are doing everything they possibly can to advance the mission of this University?

  3. #48

    Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by ManAboutTown View Post
    I appreciate this response and welcome the conversation. I’ve actually had a similar conversation about classes and the approach to parenting with a Play Therapist. The truth is, it comes down to the personality of the person you’re parenting, coaching and/or caring for. Case in point: My Daughter responds to a challenge/critique and my Son responds to positive reinforcement.

    You said something very interesting in the golfer anecdote. “When people are trying their best…”

    Can you honestly say that the administration, both academically and athletically, are doing everything they possibly can to advance the mission of this University?
    Some people are motivated by pressure, and the negative... but only after they have been given enough positive reinforcement that their self-confidence is strong. I would bet good money you made sure that your daughter got that encouragement first.

    But even then, you can't be hard on her all the time. Sometimes she needs encouragement and reassurance.

    As for the admin: first, I have this theory that everyone on the planet is doing the best they can with what they know. The problem is, none of us knows very much.

    But beyond that, and particularly with regard to Martin Hall, I often scratch my head. But we need to recognize that they are playing a tricky political game.

    You and I don't know what cards our administrators are holding; we don't know who else is at the table; we don't know what cards they are holding; we don't even know how many cards are in the deck, nor even what all the cards are.

    A few times over the years, talking to Ray he would explain some seemingly bone-headed decision he made. Quite often, he made a good decision, but the rest of us were clueless as to what was really going on.

    It reminds me of the Cuban Missile Crisis (I specifically remember it, even though I was only in the 1st grade; it wasn't until years later I understood why everyone was acting weird). The Americans thought we understood what the Russians were up to. They thought they knew what we were up to.

    Everyone was wrong.

    And amid all the cock-sure arrogance and hubris, we almost blew up the world.

  4. #49

    Default Re: Let's Review

    The problem here is that one person says “wow, that was a bad decision” and a certain group says “you’re bashing the kids! You hate the program! Why are you even here?!”


  5. #50

    Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by CajunRage View Post
    The problem here is that one person says “wow, that was a bad decision” and a certain group says “you’re bashing the kids! You hate the program! Why are you even here?!”
    LOL. You think “wow, that was a bad decision” is what was said that started all of this!

    Seriously, that’s hilarious

  6. #51

    Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by sportsfanatic21 View Post
    LOL. You think “wow, that was a bad decision” is what was said that started all of this!

    Seriously, that’s hilarious
    That was a bit sarcastic but the overwhelming majority of criticism has been non-vitriol yet is painted in a different light.

  7. #52

    Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by CajunRage View Post
    That was a bit sarcastic but the overwhelming majority of criticism has been non-vitriol yet is painted in a different light.
    I don’t think criticism of decisions is what anyone is referring to, at least not what I’ve been referring to. Like I said earlier, there has been plenty of decisions I vehemently disagreed with, and have said so here.

    The vitriol is the point. And there has been a TON of it.

    It’s time to get in regional mode though. The guys have a big opportunity this weekend. Hopefully fatigue from last week won’t play much of a factor, and I don’t think it will. Young guys with a ton of adrenaline should be ready to get after it. I just hope that we keep rolling and play our best ball.

  8. #53

    Default Re: Let's Review

    Quote Originally Posted by sportsfanatic21 View Post
    I don’t think criticism of decisions is what anyone is referring to, at least not what I’ve been referring to. Like I said earlier, there has been plenty of decisions I vehemently disagreed with, and have said so here.

    The vitriol is the point. And there has been a TON of it.

    It’s time to get in regional mode though. The guys have a big opportunity this weekend. Hopefully fatigue from last week won’t play much of a factor, and I don’t think it will. Young guys with a ton of adrenaline should be ready to get after it. I just hope that we keep rolling and play our best ball.
    Steven Broccoli approves this message.

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