Re: Earl - If you keep feeding him, he'll keep eating.
Turbine, isn't there some sort of filter that automatically bans anyone playing the "___" card? How about we turn that thing on. You know, the "we're not Tiger Droppings" filter.
Gooooooooo...SEAWOLVES!
Here you see, in an unnatural habitat...papertigerus moronicus. He is a simple creature. We will call this one...Bright Eyes. Bright Eyes only knows one thing...he loves LSU with all his poor, uneducated heart. Bright eyes doesn't know why he does...he has just seen everyone else around him loving them...so he sticks with the pack. Bright eyes has very little room for critical thinking, so doing anything outside of the norm is considered too strenuous on his simple mind...or as he puts it...gay. Anyone who angers Bright Eyes will see the full brunt of Papertigerus Moronicus.
Chants of "Tigerbait" and being called a ___ is Bright Eye's main defense mechanism, as well as beating his chest about a University that he has never attended, and only started to like because everyone else liked them and he needed something to take him away from his awful existence. Bright Eyes can only spell "LSU" correctly. Everything else out of Bright Eye's mouth is a short vernacular that leads one to believe he was raised by someone with a cleft pallet. Bright Eyes uses the letters "eaux" even when the word doesn't end in "o". (I.E. I'mma gonna go to da workeaux. ) Bright Eyes is a curious specimen, one that people of science will find a fascinating case study in how unbelievably stupid one human can be while at the same time being completely oblivious to how everyone around him is just amazed at how utterly brain dead and overtly obnoxious they can be...this is usually because he stays around his own kind...where he feels the safest. A place called "Tigerdroppings"...where handicap children are ridiculed for being "unLSU" and the word "fap" is used an inordinate amount of time.
If you encounter a creature like Bright Eyes, don't panic. Simply, remember that this creature has a hard enough time tying his own shoelaces (papertiger moronicus are normally seen in flip flips, shrimper boots, or velcro shoes). Pretend they do not exist...if this only vexes them further then start asking them about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle...this will make them lose their train of thought...and they will start talking about how much Jordan Jefferson sucks. In reality, papertiger moronicus is nothing more than a waste of the Earth's resources...but in this day and age when stupidity is rewarded, these creatures tend to thrive. One can only hope that Charles Darwin is proven correct and natural selection begins to right the wrongs of genetic misappropriation that have occurred because of what happens in a 100 yard plot of grass with college students.
Next week...we look at the ever prevalent unloyalicus ULalumnus.
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